


Homestyle V

by joouheika



Series: Homestyle [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, M/M, betsumaga tokuten drama CD spoilers, recent manga spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 17:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11833104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joouheika/pseuds/joouheika
Summary: Captain vs. Mikasa: Raging Cleaning Battle II





	Homestyle V

**Author's Note:**

> this fic references the betsumaga tokuten drama CD track 「兵長 vs ミカサ 怒涛の掃除バトル」

The bright sunlight glistens across the blue water, connected to the just as blue sky.

Not a cloud present to shield him from the sobering rays. There's a little wind to cool the sweat that's rolling down his neck. But it is not the heat of the day that beats at him so, rather the stare down he is caught between as his long time crush Mikasa Ackerman, and his most respected superior Captain Levi- both look as if should he make any wrong move it'll be the end of him.

Really... really... WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE IN THIS SITUATION?!!

Jean knows it's a far stretch but he's hoping perhaps another Marley battleship could invade their waters at this precise moment... so he wouldn't have to be caught up in this conflict.

It'd been a peaceful day, the sort he savours since they're not easy to come by, he'd just wanted to relax as he patrolled with the others along the shore... Mikasa had been fishing with Commander Hanji. They'd caught what had to be the biggest weirdest fish he'd ever seen. Along with a bunch of other sea life, bunched up in the nets, that Armin helped identify- the various fish, the red bodied crabs, pink shrimps, and hard shelled clams. Armin had been utterly giddy that he could pull out his notes from one of the many forbidden books they'd taken back from the confiscation of the old rule.

Armin had been telling them too, how these creatures could all be cooked, and persons who lived by the sea were oft sustained by them... and Jean had to admit a lot of what he was describing sounded pretty good right about now since it was lunch time and all. Armin had went on to explain how not only the fish in the sea could be eaten like the fish in their rivers, but the plant life too-

It'd been around then that Captain Levi and the company that was with him (Sasha and Connie) had returned from scouting out the nearby woods. Sasha was raving about the boar Captain Levi had so skillfully fell (Sasha knows it ain't an easy feat!) along with these very fat and not used to human preying, quails! Such wonderful, delightful meat would make a hearty, homestyle meal that they all had been missing. Didn't that sound great? And with such great meat only one of great skill could cook it-

And that's when it'd happened.

Captain Levi and Mikasa's eyes had met, snapped out of their thoughts on what ambrosia like fare that could be wrought from their catches of the day if their certain someone could cook it. Both glaring loathsomely at the other as they knew without a doubt that both were having the same thought.

Thereafter, the voting began.

Though it was already obvious who would side with who.

Mikasa wanted to eat from the sea, since she'd heard the flesh of the fish and the seaweed paired impeccably with rice. Her mother might have mentioned so, and Armin had confirmed it had so been done in days of old. Hanji was curious how this... cucumber shaped creature could be eaten, and it wasn't any good to be so boring all the time eating same old same old! So there was three votes there.

Levi, already scowling, looking over the weird ass shit from the perhaps poisonous, disgusting, smelly waters of the sea wasn't interested in eating any of that crap. And why not be safe with what they know they could eat? It'd be troublesome if any of them dropped dead from being a bunch of idiots trusting in something could they even confirm was reliable information? So a bunch of dead guys wrote about it being alright before, well they weren't among the living now were they? Sasha had nodded, saying they must trust in the vegetables they know too, not only the meat, since it's what has sustained them this whole while. And Connie really just wanted a meal like from home. Homesick already despite that they were all still on Paradis and had no intention of leaving, not with the constant threat beyond the way.

So that was three votes there.

And then there was Jean.

He really couldn't make up his mind.

He could see the appeal in both their arguments. 

He also felt... since it was that guy, it'd be good food either way.

Of course he didn't say any of that aloud, not wishing to anger either side (though both sides were smoldering with rage already, the fire of competition ignited) he kept his mouth shut.

It wasn't the best strategy since his silence seemed to be having the same effect anyway. As he glanced between Mikasa's focused and scarily widened eyes boring down into him "Didn't he want to know how good the rice would taste paired with flavours from the sea?" and Captain Levi's out for blood grimace "Wasn't horseface a mama's boy? This would be closer to homecooked fare right? So why the hesitance?"

Jean had to decide... to spurn his long time crush or disrespect the Captain.

Either way, he was still going to get the shit beaten out of him.

Vying to avoid that, Jean says what he's really thinking.

"Sorry Mikasa... and with all due respect Captain Levi... I... I..."

Jean swallows as their stares are unrelenting, but he gathers up all his courage, his voice rising higher in volume than even he intended, reminding him of-

"I don't see why I have to make the decision!!! Shouldn't you all be asking, the guy who's going to be doing all the cooking?!"

At that Jean points.

Over the shore, into the water- to Eren.

Who has been idling about, looking to the horizon like he typically is. Waiting, thinking, a solemn contemplation that's been pissing Jean off for a while now. It wasn't like Eren to be so quiet all the time. Especially, when someone is in a pinch. Even if it was him. He'd expected Eren to butt his nose in and intervene, but since he wanted to be so sad all the time he hadn't done anything. Hell, it didn't even look like he was paying attention even with all the attention focused on him! And wasn't that what he always wanted! Damn! Damn! Eren really pisses him off-

"Eren," Mikasa calls, her soft voice a note louder to carry over the strain of the breeze.

Before he can turn to her if he did hear, his attention is stolen elsewhere as Captain Levi says, "Hey Eren."

Eren turns to him, a quizzical air about his expression.

"What is it sir?"

Levi's arms are folded, as he tries to not look so smug. Mikasa is clenching her teeth, that glare she had before, smoldered but no longer directed at Jean to his immense relief.

"Choose. Which do you want to cook? The weird shit Mikasa pulled out of the ocean, or this fat boar?"

Eren turns around to face all of them, the water splashing in the slightest about his ankles.

Eren thinks.

Unperturbed by all the hungered, desperate eyes upon him as the dream is steadily realised. Recalled. Eren would cook for them tonight, they'd be able to eat like gods, kings, sinners once more...

A finger at his chin.

Eren answers straight forwardly.

"Cooking is out of the question."

As everyone falls into rapid despair or angered desperation, confusion swirling all around. Eren elaborates.

"The kitchen is a mess," Eren's flat look of disdain and disapproval, set to no one in particular because he doesn't know who the at fault party is; that party only becoming apparent as he continues-"whoever was last in there fixing up a snack didn't clean up after themselves."

Sasha whistling too highly and not at all innocent as the panic settles across her face that she'd fucked herself over like this.

"No, that works out doesn't it. Eren."

Mikasa is saying.

All eyes turn to her, from teary eyed Sasha who looked like she was going to crawl under the nearest rock no matter how small it was.

"I was thinking that to settle this, Captain Levi and I would have to have a match."

Captain Levi's eyes are alight with intrigue as he turns his attention away from Eren for once.

"Oh?"

Mikasa meets his eyes.

"Yes... we will have..."

And while her courage does not waver, she too cannot help the sweat that slides across her neck, the trembling that'd have been in her voice dispersed from it being in the breath she takes before she declares-

"A cleaning battle."

A wave of gasps and cries echo amongst them as they all behold her daring gamble.

Captain Levi looks more than a little proud.

"Not bad. Let's get to it then."

\--

The kitchen is indeed a horrific mess and had Sasha not been the culprit Jean couldn't help but think all fingers and glares would be directed at him once again. It was his luck that she was even more transparent than he.

The windows are open as it is decided. The kitchen is divided not right down the middle but rather based on various factors. Whoever has to clean the oven, a daunting task will have less space in the kitchen as a whole to clean to make it fair.

Since Eren is the judge, a chair is wiped down and set at the door's entrance for him to sit on so he has the best view of the battle. (Mikasa lending her favourite checkered cushion to make it more comfortable.)

As he sits down he turns to Armin who is standing beside him. Commander Hanji next to Armin, cupping their hands about their mouth as they cheer Mikasa on. 

Connie is patting Sasha on the back trying to calm her down, since her mistake was going to decide their sure victory today right? No way would Captain Levi lose in a cleaning battle! Mikasa is crazy!

Jean eavesdrops as Eren says to Armin, "This is... kind of familiar. Will you be narrating this time?"

"Eh?! Me?!" Armin says nervously, waving a hand, "No way! I don't think they'd appreciate it... besides..."

Armin rather sheepish, "My grandfather always did the cleaning, I wasn't at all good at cleaning until you and Mikasa helped me so..."

Eren's frown is overly thoughtful as if he's trying to remember something, "This really is familiar but..."

"But?" Armin quips.

"...it was my room being cleaned not the kitchen... perhaps I dreamt it?"

"Oh! That could be it Eren! Didn't you mention before sometimes what happens in your dreams comes true so that must mean-"

Jean doesn't mean to interrupt Armin but both Mikasa and Levi look like they're done with preparations.

Jean smacks a hand down at the other side of Eren, onto his shoulder. Leaning forward he says.

"Hey! Death seeking cooking bastard! You should pay attention closely to this match since no doubt the both of them will be going all out _for your sake!_ You couldn't choose between them right? So the least you can do is use that one track mind of yours to fairly decide a winner!"

Eren's frown deepens, but he seems to be taking Jean's words seriously.

Looking up into Jean's eyes with a sincere clarity Jean had not been expecting. Jean is actually grateful for the callout from Connie to be at fault for his reddened, dumbstruck expression rather than the actuality of it.

"What's this Jean~ isn't Eren going all through this because you couldn't make up _your_ mind? Don't pin all the responsibility on him."

"That's right!" Sasha pipes up, glad she's no longer in the line of fire.

Jean really is lucky, because if he hadn't turned around to lean over to yell at Connie just then that plate that'd come flying at him would have smashed right into his face.

It has the other desired result of him pulling his hand away from Eren's shoulder though.

Jean looks in shock between both Captain Levi and Mikasa, knowing he should have known better. Both nonchalant and battle ready, it doesn't look like either of them had thrown the plate at him, since they'd both resumed glaring the other down so Jean really... doesn't know... which one of them threw the plate.

Eren's gaze is focused on the both of them.

After Armin has swept up the broken plate, Hanji who has procured a bell from somewhere, rings it.

"Match... start!"

Hanji does the narrating.

It'd been decided that Captain Levi with his higher skills and level of experience would take the less spaced area but has to deal with the oven and stove.

Since it'd require the chimney being cleaned, he'd gotten his 3D-maneuver gear. It being overlooked that it was not entirely a military based use it is being engaged in. Mikasa is left to deal with the brunt of the morning's mess. Both at the ready get to work immediately. Captain Levi starting from the top so that all the debris and soot is swept down on the mess below and can be taken care of accordingly. Time will be a factor. As well as the end result cleanliness, along with to what manner they are cleaning. To ensure his clothes will not get dirty Captain Levi has taken to wearing not only his usual face mask and headscarf but a full body suit, gloves and boot covers. 

Mikasa in the meanwhile has put up her hair, and in a pink apron Eren had sewn her not as frilly as the one he owns but with bunnies embroidered along the pocket (he'd seen it somewhere before on her person, was she sure she didn't own something like this when they were kids?) she gets to work clearing away the rubbish and cleaning the dishes, the counters... when the clean water runs out she goes to dump out the dirty and fetch more from the well.

At that time Captain Levi, unrecognisable and covered head to toe in soot goes out to take the suit off and fetch water to clean the devastating mess that remains, a momentary sacrifice to make the chimney pristine. His order of actions serving only to dramatise the contrast of his expert skill when all is clean, polished and done.

With a new head scarf, mask, and gloves- the area about the stove and oven are shining in no time; no doubt in their minds that Captain Levi despite the harder task will be done sooner.

Not wanting to fall behind though the trip to the well had proven to be more daunting a task than she anticipated since she'd put too much force in the bucket she'd been using, and having broken it had to improvise with a bowl. Mikasa is building up a sweat between the excursion and extrusion. She sees there is no choice, if she wants to win, she'll have to... play dirty.

Mikasa removes her apron.

Setting it aside.

Then unbuttoning her shirt, she does not untuck it but lets it hang about her hips as she removes her arms from the sleeves. Her top revealed, only in her purple sports bra, letting the cool air from the window and open door to the well wash over her tense and sweat slick muscles, Mikasa works faster as she gets on her knees to the floor and scrubs it. The muscles in her back flexing, and rippling as she cleans every inch. Depsite that Hanji can't see out of their eye patch they've lifted it up, pausing their narration to give out a loud long whistle. 

Everyone leaning forward in shock and awe at Mikasa's strong determined form.

Her bet pays off and the bell chimes the end, a tie.

Both have finished within the time, at the same time.

Eren rises from his seat, almost knocking into Jean who is still gaping at Mikasa's performance. Eren turns not to scowl at him but nods in understanding and for a moment Jean is in disbelief... were they... agreeing to something for once?

Also it seems impossible but would Eren... choose Mikasa over Captain Levi?

Eren surveys the ceiling and seems to be relieved it's there intact begins the competition judging.

Eren looks over Captain Levi's area of the kitchen with a familiar level of severity and scrutiny they all remember from the cabin, not knowing at the time it'd been honed and learnt from the very individual who is being judged. Eren deems the section perfect. Smiling at how beautiful the oven is he moves on to Mikasa's section and without hesitance goes to exactly where he saw her miss a spot.

As he walks over, Mikasa's face dissolves into rabid panic, as she herself realises where it was she'd missed.

Eren puts on a glove and wiping a pointer finger across the window sill, frowns.

Gathers up filthy residue upon the tip.

Armin sighs but figures it'd be like this. Hanji's lips pursed and a pout on them. As Connie and Sasha clasp each other within a celebratory hug, Jean sighs glad it's all over.

Eren removes his glove and standing between the two combatants, takes up Captain Levi's wrist (to Levi's subtle amusement) and holds it up proclaims- "Captain Levi has won the battle in terms of cleanliness."

Noting Eren's tone of voice, Mikasa's eyes turn to him, hopeful as everyone's eyes turn to him in mild confusion.

Eren takes up Mikasa's wrist and holding it up, decrees- "Mikasa Ackerman has won the battle in terms of performance."

Eren brings both their arms down and continues as if it were obvious the outcome would be such as this, "By my judgment... the battle is a tie!"

Levi is scowling, "What the fuck does that mean?"

Armin is bewildered and because of that everyone is even more confused, if Armin didn't understand what Eren is saying... then- a light flickers inside Jean's mind. 

Shit.

"Eren... what is going on?" Armin asks, almost timid, and unnerved he doesn't understand.

But Jean knows exactly, since he'd been the one to tell Eren to judge the two of them... by his standards.

Fuck.

Eren explains, head tilting as if it were obvious, "Was this not a battle for my sake?"

Jean is dead.

He's sooooo dead.

He's a dead man.

Because of him Eren was going to cook jack shit tonight, and everyone else was going to tan his hide as punishment, tie rocks around his struggling beaten body, then pitch him off a cliff to sink to the bottom of the ocean.

The worst of all this was he'd never get to taste Eren's cooking before he died.

It'd been too long ago!

Why... _why did this have to happen to him!?_

If only... if only he hadn't told Eren what he'd told him, then Eren would have just judged the two on the outcome. It really would have just been a cleaning battle. But since he'd told him that they were fighting _for him_ then of course... one track mind Eren... would factor in-

Eren is frowning at Captain Levi.

Who did not at any time during the match.

Take his shirt off.

Captain Levi is realising his error as he bears Eren's look of disappointment.

A man takes responsibility for his actions.

"Alright, I get it. Well? How will we decide to break this tie then?"

Is what Levi is saying, a hand at Eren's shoulder, than moving across his neck, into his hair. His other hand at his cravat. Mikasa flatly looking at Levi, honestly tired of his bullshit but expecting it. She's rather unimpressed Captain Levi would try to play dirty after all has been decided.

Eren looks from Captain Levi to Mikasa, at everyone else. Confused they're confused.

"...why do we need to break the tie? The kitchen is clean so I can cook."

Before any more arguments can begin. And Jean loses his life. Eren slides away from Levi's touch to retrieve his apron. Donning it. 

Within its pink, familiar frilly glory he looks over his shoulder at them and says, as if it were more obvious than anything else he'd said previously- "I will not waste any of the food. I will use every single last ingredient!"

Then proceeds to shoo all of them out of his kitchen. Tying back his hair as he does so.

\--

They feast next to the crackling bonfire.

As the sun sets in the distance staining the horizon red and orange, the water reflecting those very colours.

Jean is grateful that in the end, Eren did intervene.

And that he gets to eat this out of this world food before his final day!

Some of it really appears so this time, not only because of the unrivaled quality and taste; with the mysterious seafare brought in. It's a compromise of both as fusion and separation depending on the individual. Eren did not leave any of them overlooked. Mikasa is delightfully eating "sushi", seaweed wrapped around clumps of sticky vinegar rice with seasoned and cooked or in some cases, uncooked fish. Hanji sampling that sea cucumber fried with strips of bacon and stuffed with cheese. Sasha and Connie are eating from bowls of bread, a creamy clam chowder. Plenty of Sasha's beloved potatoes mixed in it. Potatoes available as grilled too with other vegetables on a skewer with quail or the various fat and pink shrimp. There's greasy salted fish. Roast from the boar. Seaweed salad. But most odd of all is the crab. Steamed and cracked open to be dipped in hot butter. Jean likes that the most though it's quite the task and making quite a mess breaking the creature open. Armin showing him how and even preparing a tool in advance it seems. Jean is embarrassed that despite the napkin over his chest and lap Captain Levi gives him a grossed out look as he passes by, on his way to pester Eren to let him try the fish since it seems normal enough. Eren passes him the skewer with the most mushrooms, Levi swearing under his breath since it's a clear indication Eren is still upset with him.

To everyone's extreme euphoria there is of course dessert, a cold pudding made of the bright fruits found closer to the southern shore topped with thick cream. Mikasa is as enthused about it as she'd been about the sushi, always fond of pudding. Captain Levi finds it too sweet and passes his portion on to her. To the envy of others. But it's her prize for taking him on he supplies. Eren suspected as much would happen, and fetches the shortbread he'd prepared for such an ordeal. Shaped as stars, fish, and shells. Some coated with colourful sugar or chocolate. No one is surprised to see the cup of black tea accompanying the Captain's hefty plate.

Levi sets some of the shortbread aside, for Commander Erwin who would have no doubt tried to outdo them all even with one hand.

Hanji follows suit but for Moblit, the fattest quail (well the fattest that still remains since Sasha is unrelenting) , and just one of her beloved chunks of sea cucumbers, because the quail would go good with wine, but the cucumber not so much.

They clink their glasses. Levi supposes he should have gotten booze for this, cause this was one weird ass tribute otherwise but Hanji shrugs. It'd be expected of them wouldn't it?

The evening goes on, everyone eating into the night.

Mikasa is feeding Sasha whatever she picks up unless it's a bite of sushi, then it's hers.

Connie is gnawing at the last skewer.

Jean asks Armin if it'd be messed up if they threw away the crab shells in the sea, for an easier clean up.

Eren is looking over the conch shell shortbread in his hand, comparing it to the actual conch shell Armin gave him, figuring it's not too bad a rendition.

With the food entirely eaten and their bellies full, many lay against logs, rocks, or plainly the sandy shore as they look up at the stars.

Stuffed and without regret, Jean figures even if the Marleyans attacked this moment he wouldn't mind...

He must have actually said that revised sentiment aloud because Eren sits up, disturbing Captain Levi's arms that'd been around him, much to the Captain's annoyance, and says, scowling most familiarly- "Are you an idiot?"

Jean not realising how close Eren had been all this while, can't help but flush and for once replies, "Yeah! Actually! I am!"

As Eren looks at him in shock, and it's almost refreshing for once that he is being surprised!

Jean stammers out, trying to cover his own ass before Connie teases him and leads him to his death or Captain Levi puts two and two together and it's all fucking over then.

"I ate waaaaaay too much so I don't feel like fighting with you for once! So shut it!"

"Shut it?" Eren's hair looks like it has bristled up, as an aggravated dog's fur might.

"You were the one who opened your mouth and said shit first!"

"Whose fault is that? Since you wanted to cook _everything_ it'd be rude if we didn't eat everything _mom_."

Jean looks to Eren, ready for his snappy retort or his fist, but all he sees is Eren's disheveled form, a hand definitely not his own beneath his frilly pink apron, moving, stroking-

Eren's face is dangerously flushed, apparent even beneath the dark night sky.

Jean's whole face resumes being that red he'd avoided. Unable to any longer as Eren looks at him, incapable of fighting back as _dad_ supports the argument.

"Ain't that true Eren. It's rude to not eat _everything_ that's been so _graciously_ provided, so how bout we go somewhere else and I'll finally have seconds?"

Both Mikasa and Connie clamp a hand over Sasha's mouth in case she heard and misunderstood any of that and thought there was more food to be had. But it's her snores they stifle. Armin's own snores hushed by the book over his face, he'd been rereading his notes before he fell asleep. Hanji bemusedly pours another cup of wine. Glad they're all finally adults here so they don't have to deal with any forms of complaints in regards to certain someone's actions towards a certain minor. Though they have to admit back then, Commander Erwin reading to them what had to be written by a once objecting childhood friend that it must be reported- Captain Levi is "Humanity's Strongest Sadistic Perverted Cleaning Bastard" was pretty amusing.

And still holds true.

As Levi and Eren go off elsewhere for their own private course.

Jean contemplates pitching himself into the ocean.


End file.
